As adults, it is not easy to decide what to tell your children or grandchildren regarding serious illness in the family. Not telling them anything may be a mistake. Children are very intuitive and often pick up on signals that something is wrong. So if we say nothing, they might ask before we have decided what to share, or they may not say anything and imagine the worst. On the other hand, telling them too much can be confusing or frightening. As parents and grandparents, you know your children and grandchildren best and are best equipped to decide what to tell them in these situations. My hope is that reading this book together with your child will provide a natural opportunity for you to broach these subjects.
My approach was to try to keep it as light as possible and to use terminology that my young grandson could understand without causing undue concern. For him, the most obvious symptom of my disease was my shaky hands. So when Carson asked why my hands shook, I just said that I have "shaky paws". He seemed to accept that, at least for the time being.
When the decision was made to proceed with deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery to eliminate the shakiness, I talked to my son about telling Carson. I decided to share with my grandson that I was excited because the doctors were going to give me a "special procedure" so I wouldn't shake any more. With this information, Carson was aware and knew that I felt good about it.
For now, I think he knows as much as he needs to know. Although DBS is not a cure (there isn't a cure at this time), it should effectively eliminate my shakiness for years to come. By the time Carson is older, other symptoms may become noticeable. At that time, I will share more with him.
Finally, I am open about my faith and how it helps me. By doing this, I am able to share the miraculous gift with which we have all been blessed. Here is the prayer to which I refer in the book and that I wrote for our Easter family dinner:
Thank You for the gifts of hope and blessed assurance that we are reminded of on this day. As I sat with the church choir this morning, it seemed to me that perhaps it was not coincidental that I was feeling "reborn" in a way as I start a new chapter in my life. Thank You for all the blessings You have bestowed on this family. Thank You for the knowledge that we can live life to the fullest, without fear, simply by placing our lives in Your hands.
-- Kirk Hall, Author SHAKY PAWS GRANDPA series